Burn, Baby, Burn
by JailyForever
Summary: A Slytherin discovers a book and is so entertained she publishes the pages. Inspired by Mean Girls. Written for QL Season 5: Round 6. Thank you to my team-mate who beta'd


**Team:** Holyhead Harpies

 **Position:** Keeper

 **Prompt:** Mean Girls

 **Fun with Fishing:** (Character) Rodolphus Lestrange, (Object) Book

 **Word Count:** 1184

 **For the purposes of the fic, some of the ages (eg. Lucius and Bellatrix) have been fudged.**

* * *

Burn, Baby, Burn

The Slytherin packed away her belongings after a long, arduous Potions lesson. She couldn't wait to get out of there and complain about Slughorn to her classmates. As she bent down to pick up her bag, she noticed a shiny, black book under the table. Curious she opened the cover and read: _The Burn Book ~ The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth._

She turned the page and had to stifle a laugh at what she read before closing it and quickly slipping it into her bag.

This book could be just the entertainment she needed.

That night, she read through the book in its entirety and came to the conclusion that it was pure gold. She knew that she couldn't deprive the student body of the genius which was contained within its pages.

~o~o~o~

The next morning, the Great Hall was abuzz with chatter as the Slytherin entered the room for breakfast. Overnight, she had made copies of the pages of the Burn Book and distributed them across the castle.

She settled down at the table and smirked as she saw many outraged faces and arguments breaking out at various tables between groups of friends.

"Have you seen this?" Lucius Malfoy hissed, slamming down a piece of parchment with his picture on it with the words: _Lucius Malfoy is a fugly git. He's punching well above his weight_ written below it. "I am not fugly. Doesn't this moron remember I was voted most beautiful recently for the third year in a row?"

"Only because you fixed it," snorted Bellatrix.

"Would you rather have seen your blood traitor cousin win?" Lucius asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Good point. Regardless of that, what this person wrote about you is half true," Bellatrix answered, sneering at the blond. "You are punching above your weight with my sister. Besides at least yours is more creative than: _Bellatrix Black is a dyke._ "

"Or: ' _Barty Crouch made out with Professor Slughorn,'"_ Barty chipped in.

"Well, we all know that's true, you wouldn't stop banging on about it," Bellatrix laughed. "Merlin knows what possessed you to go there. You're an 'O' student already in Potions."

"And we all know Rodolphus' is true too," Barty said, deflecting attention from himself. "We were all there that night, which means whoever wrote it has to be one of us."

"That was one time and it was a dare," Rodolphus snapped, his cheeks reddening as he glared down at a photograph of himself next to the caption: _Rodolphus Lestrange made out with a pumpkin pasty and liked it._ "And, for the record, I did not enjoy it."

Across the Great Hall at the Gryffindor table, James Potter stared down at the flyer with his face on it.

" _James Potter is fat virgin,_ " he laughed. "Ha, this person needs to get more creative. What does yours say, Pads?"

Sirius cleared his throat, lifted the piece of parchment and read, " _Sirius Black is a dog! He didn't shower for a month and has never washed his hair. No wonder Lupin won't entertain the idea of dating him._ " Sirius turned to Remus and pouted. "You won't entertain the idea of dating me, Moony? I thought we were for keeps."

When Remus didn't look up from the piece of parchment in his hands or acknowledge his words, Sirius snatched it out of his hands.

" _Remus Lupin is a werewolf… he killed the last Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher,_ " Sirius whispered. "Why that little son of a—! When I get my hands on whoever wrote this they will regret the day they ever thought to make this stupid book."

"Pads, don't," Remus whispered, reaching out and taking hold of Sirius' hand. "It's not as though it's not true. I am a werewolf, and I may not have killed him but I maimed the guy enough to scare him off returning to teach here this year. What does yours say, Peter?" Remus asked, attempting to take the spotlight off himself.

" _Peter Pettigrew is almost too gay to function. It's a wonder Potter, Black and Lupin keep him around,"_ he whispered quietly. "Quite hilarious considering I'm as far from gay as can be."

Further down the Gryffindor table, Marlene clutched her piece of parchment.

" _Marlene McKinnon has an amazing ability to suppress her gag reflex. Slapper!_ " she read quietly. "Who does this idiot think they are? I am not a slapper."

"Marlene, that's not even the worst part of it," Lily replied, frowning as she tried to figure out her best friend's way of thinking.

"I'm not going to deny something that's true," Marlene answered. "I happen to be quite proud of my ability to suppress my gag reflex."

"But this person is suggesting you go around, you know—" Lily said, not wanting to spell it out to her best friend.

"Yes, I know, and so what?" Marlene asked. "I'm not ashamed. I'm young. I'm allowed to experiment, aren't I? So, what did this moron write about you in their 'Burn Book?'"

"I don't know, I haven't looked," Lily replied. "Quite frankly I'd rather not know either. It'd only be giving them the attention they so desperately want."

"Lily!" Alice called running up the to her between the tables. "You have to see this."

Alice held a piece of parchment out towards Lily with her photograph on it.

"Ali, I've already told Marlene I have no intention of finding out what this person wrote about me," Lily said, pushing her hand away.

"Lily, please," Alice whispered. "I respect you and all, but I'd rather you find out from me than someone else. It's bad."

"Okay, fine," Lily said, taking the parchment out of her friend's hands and looking at it.

 _Lily Evans had sex with Professor Slughorn. No wonder she's a straight 'O' student._

Lily paled at the sight of what had been written about her. Even worse, she recognised the handwriting and it broke her. How dare he insinuate something so disgusting about her?

She crumpled up the piece of parchment in her hand as she stormed off towards the one place she knew she would find him—the library—the place he always went before breakfast.

"How dare you write this about me?" she yelled, throwing the piece of parchment at him. "If there was even the slightest chance of me forgiving you for what you said, you've blown it now."

The dark haired boy picked up the crumpled piece of parchment and opened it, his eyes widening as he read what was on there.

"Lily, I—"

"Save it, Severus," Lily hissed, cutting him off. "I can't believe you would think so lowly of me as to think I would sleep with a professor for grades. You had just better hope that no one else figures out it was you, especially James, otherwise your life won't even be worth living."

Without giving him an opportunity to reply, Lily spun around on her heel and walked away, undecided on whether or not she would tell anyone who was behind 'The Burn Book' and its contents.


End file.
